Well fancy seeing you here...

Hello and welcome to the rambling rollercoaster of useless ponderings, strung together in what the internet calls a "blog," and the voices call a waste of everyone elses time.

Please check your sanity at the door (along with your dignity, logic, principles, good taste and prejudices against daftness.)

"I am here to seduce you into a love of life; to help you to become a little more poetic; to help you die to the mundane and to the ordinary so that the extraordinary explodes in your life." -Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

Thursday, 1 May 2008

Election Special - 99p when purchased with a cocoanut.

The results of both the Local Elections and London's Mayoral Election are in. Unfortunately we don't find out if Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is going to send the country to wrack and ruin until tomorrow afternoon.

When I heard on the news earlier today (and then in the coverage tonight) that Boris actually stands a chance, I was quite surprised. I didn't ever really consider that people would vote for him - though it seems they have; a decision based purely on his appearance on 'Have I got News For You.' They're probably the same people that got Mr Blobby and Crazy Frog to number one.

It would have been amusing to see Boris handle the 2012 Olympics. People didn't like the colourful little 2012 symbol, but I don't imagine that this would have been a better international symbol of British athleticism:

Boris, on a bike.

In other Political news: I received an email today that has me championing Bob Geldof. During a recent flight on Air Force One, Bob reportedly gave President George Bush a copy of his book 'Geldof in Africa.'

"Who wrote this for ya, Geldof?" joked Dubya.

Sir Bob smartly responded with: "Who will you get to read it for you, Mr President?"

That's it. I like him again. I'd gone off him a bit after he called Russell Brand a c*nt, and was then rather gloriously put in his place with the comment; "Sir Bob Geldof there, who knows a lot about famine because he's been dining out on 'I Don't Like Mondays' for years." Today however, I am warming to him once more. (Might even be enough to warrant a bit of 'Banana Republic' from Loudmouth. Yes, I do have that album and I do like that song...but I promise I only use it to steady the wonky leg on the piano.)

In other vaguely political news, there is a new TV ad which is driving me insane. 'WestPlus' (makers of plant-food,) are doing adverts featuring a singing earthworm, and have modelled their jingle on the "Hitler, has only got one ball," tune. So now, I cannot think of gardening without imagining Nazi Worms chatting to Karl Pilkington - and dancing around in some kind of 'Springtime For Hitler' production.

Speaking of Karl, whilst watching Newsnight I noticed that William Hague has a head like a fucking orange.

It was almost enough to make me like him a little bit. Not quite though, because he also has ears like a mouse, and a most disagreeable temperament. It is also true that his voice is annoying and his principles are non-existent. His head is still quite round though.

I took advantage of the postal voting opportunities a couple of years ago so that I no longer have to brave the church hall, or community centre. Wouldn't have made a difference anyway, as Portsmouth's Local Election results remain unchanged for another year.

This was the measly choice faced by we Pompey natives today:

Terence Christopher William Henderson - Conservatives.
Stephen Holland - Independant.
Andrew John Silvester - Labour.
David Fernando Ward - English Democrats.
Alan John Webb - Lib Dems.

When the options are Terence, Silvester or Fernando; then the city is pretty well screwed whichever way you vote. At lest there we remain consistent with the rest of the country. God forbid we begin to run smoothly and get ideas above our station.

At least if Boris does single-handedly destroy London then we stand a chance of power.

The capital of England is Portsmouth! Make way for the corgis.

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